October 14, 2020. Honestly I don’t know where to begin. 2020 has been a cluster fuck of massive proportions – personally, and for the world. Once the pandemic was declared, after I had my first existential crisis of said year, I thought I would be writing a lot about what was happening, how I was feeling about it, etc. etc. etc. But what the fuck actually happened???
In early January I was finishing a trip around Europe with a man/ friend/ unidentified partner of sorts. We did a whirlwind “drive by” tour of the bigger cities and sites of Germany, Spain, France, and Italy. It was great; it was difficult; it was boundary-stretching, exhausting, exhilarating, and so much more. He is Australian, so we watched with horror from a distance as Australia burned with wild fires (how long ago does THAT feel???).
I arrived home to Bali January 12, and news of “The Corona Virus” was starting to spread. It seemed like it could be something big, but it took a while to gain traction. At the end of the month I turned 51, feeling the best physically I had in my life, and grateful for so much. 2020 was looking like a busy year for weddings, I’d just taken a once-in-a-lifetime trip. I looked forward to traveling to the US to celebrate my parents’ eightieth birthdays at the end of July, and to spending a week with my nephew in Atlanta in August. Life was interesting and full of promise. Looking like the year would be busy, and getting more so.
In late February I met a man who took me completely by surprise. He was here in Bali for a vacation, having moved himself and his son to Australia from England for his son’s “working holiday” year. He planned to move back to Bali in April, and we planned to see each other. I was very excited about him and getting to know him better.
March came and our virus was named “COVID-19”. It was declared, by Imperial College of London, to be a potential super-killer. Worldwide travel ground to a halt. In Bali, we were asked to make our yearly one-day “no one out of the house” holiday into two days. International flights were stopped. Domestic travel halted. I panicked a bit, but realized that Armageddon was in reality probably more than a year or two out. I stocked up on dog and cat food, gas for the stove and motorbike, drinking water, frozen foods, and cans of tuna. Bought 4 kilos of coffee…
Plan A for work for me in 2020 was to continue to be a wedding celebrant. Cancelled. Plan B – my rental house in Colorado. Basically cancelled. Plan C – the stock market. Plunged. Again, panic, but not complete despair. My rent in Bali was paid until January 2021 so I had a roof over my head. My new love interest and I decided to keep going in a long-distance relationship, believing truly that June or July would mark an end to the “closed borders” madness and allow him to get to Bali.
At some point during this time New Zealand and Australia completely shut international borders, albeit in different ways. Lots of foreigners had to leave Bali for fear of being “stuck” here – most of our governments recommended that if we could get back to our countries, we should do so. Many foreigners also left fearing that Bali’s medical system could become stressed to the point of collapse under the pressure of COVID-19. Much of this fear was generated by bad information, as it still is today….
Conversely, mentally, something incredible happened to me. For the first time in about twenty years, I truly rested. Even though “fight or flight” was under the surface and threatened to rear its head every once in a while, I was relaxed. My soul felt refreshed for the first time in SO long. I was positive, full of hope, looking forward to the future, knowing that everything would resolve and be okay. I did a TON of mind and body work – physically and mentally I became the strongest I’d been maybe ever.
May came and went, and Bali remained relatively untouched by COVID-19.
June came and went. Same. We were wondering why we were waiting here on a deserted island for life to begin again in the world. Lots of businesses closed their doors.
Then in July Bali re-opened to domestic tourism with little fanfare. Sometime in here the governor of Bali proposed a “re-opening” date for international travel on September 11th (yes, an auspicious day in many ways, including on the Balinese calendar). Domestic tourists came, and were promptly blamed for bringing COVID-19 with them as Bali’s COVID numbers increased. More businesses closed.
Then August…. September 11th was looking like a pipe dream. COVID-19 cases in Bali went up a lot, but hospitals were not over-strained. More businesses failed and closed.
September 11th came and went. Meanwhile lots of foreigners had to deal with uncertain visa statuses, confusing information from visa agents and immigration. Immigration closed completely for a week or so due to an outbreak of Covid-19 in the offices.
But visas were sorted, and people who wanted to get to Bali badly enough were beginning to see options for how they could do that… for a price. My “significant other” was finally going to be able to join me Bali – but by then he had found someone who he wanted to pursue in Australia. All of our together plans went “poof”! (Thanks heaps, 2020).
Mid-October. I’ve maintained my physical and mental health against all of the odds. I’m still sober (more than 500 days) with no intention to drink any of my daily challenges away.
In the eight months I’ve basically been “stranded on a deserted island”, I’ve actually accomplished a lot:
1) I’ve been taking twice-weekly Indonesian lessons. Speaking is still difficult, but my knowledge of Indonesian is growing.
2) I’ve committed to helping my pembantu Putu’s little community survive, and have fund raised about 50 million IDR from my beautiful friends from around the world to help provide them with food packages.
3) I’ve read a million books, and listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts. Self-help, news, true crime – you name it. I’m a podcast junkie.
4) I’ve researched the hell out of the stock market, and done decent job making some money trading. I’m not going to be rich any time soon, but I’ve learned a ton and am 90% sure that I won’t ever be broke.
5) I’ve maintained my mental health. I’ve taken some online courses about relationships and attachment styles; addressed some personal trauma and difficulty; learned how to control my thinking (most of the time). I’ve come OFF anti-depressants and not needed to go back on them.
6) I’ve maintained my physical health. I had some menopause-related challenges that I’ve tackled with the help of an amazing doctor. I am still working out 4-5 days a week. I’m walking the dogs on the beach 3-4 days a week, 4-8 kms. All three of us are in great shape!
7) Dixie has gone from a “no way” motorbike rider to a pro. So I can now get her AND Evie wherever we need to go, on my own, no stress.
8) I’ve fostered eight kittens. The original five have been adopted (unfortunately we lost Tenacious Teddy). Three are still with me and wreaking havoc on my office.
9) With the help of some amazing colleagues, friends, and new friends/ colleagues, I’ve started (just barely) Bali Kids Klub, my dream after-school activities center.
10) I’ve come up with a new business idea for Bali, and proposed it to a friend who is enthusiastic about it. I think we can get that go somewhere, but it’s going to be a lot of work upfront. What do we have but time?
It’s looking like weddings MIGHT return to Bali second quarter, 2021, but we can’t be sure of anything. Like the rest of the world, we continue to wait for “what’s next.” I don’t think any of us ever dreamt this crisis would last so long, nor affect the world so much.
To me, there are many silver linings in this crisis. An ironic one that I think about most is that it seems that COVID-19 has decimated mass-tourism as we knew it. Having participated in mass-tourism in Europe in late 2019- early 2020, and living in it in Bali for the last nine years, I cannot say I am sad about this. I hope what emerges in its wake is a kinder, less crowded, more socially and environmentally aware tourism. We have an opportunity to learn and grow from this experience, and I certainly hope that we take advantage of that opportunity.
